Show us your ...

No. Please don't.

Tuesday is Mardi Gras. That means all you beaded broads will be bouncing around like bubblegum. Whatever that means. Consonance, chums, consonance.

Tuesday, LoDo will be planked with masks, beads and hurricanes for theMardi Gras 2012 Official Club Crawl.

There are three Denver joints hosting the crawl, which starts at 9 p.m.: Chloe Discotheque, 1445 Market St.; Suite 200, 1427 Larimer St.; and 24K/Oak Tavern, 1414 Market St.

Note that these are LoDo clubs. Prepare for what ensues. Godspeed.

Here are some highlights of the evening:

Open bar from 9 p.m.-10 p.m. with a purchase of a wristband (sorry dudes, yours is five bucks more).

"Secret" performance by a "signed artist" (please be Susan Boyle, please be Susan Boyle).

DJs, a Go-Go competition and a live band performance.

Entrance to all venues and no waiting in line with wristband.

Sounds like a hoot and a holler.

Avoid indecent exposure tickets and we'll see you sinners in church on Ash Wednesday.

Info:Tuesday at 9 p.m.; $10 for chicks, $15 for dudes;


Artsy fartsy

For 16 years, Denver's Westword has taken art, put it in a pillowcase, beat it and threw it at us in the form ofArtopia-- fashion, food, booze, artists, musicians, DJs and performers.

Five venues -- Vinyl, 1082 Broadway; The Living Room, 1055 Broadway; Bar Standard, 1037 Broadway; Mo's, 1037 Broadway; and City Hall, 1144 Broadway -- will host fashion shows, art, dancing, DJs and music from the likes of Danielle Ate the Sandwich, Orange Peel Moses, DJ Boy Hollow and more.

If you're creative, go. If you're not creative, go. Being creative is neat. And so are you.

Info:7 p.m.-10:30 p.m. at Vinyl and The Living Room; 9 p.m.-2 a.m. at City Hall, Mo's and Bar Standard;; $25-$35.


Let's play

Kids these days.

They depart the womb quipped with an iPad and a flash drive packed with porn. (Future use, homies.)

Remember when we were kids? "Guess Who," "Connect Four," "Candyland," "Operation."

For those of us who grew up like me with a sole nine-inch VCR/TV combo that weighed 193 lbs. (that's what she said) and only came out of the closet on occasion, we played with neat toys, didn't we?

Yes, I had dozens of Barbies. Judge me, bitches.

Remember Lincoln Logs? Those were rad.

You can be a kid again on Saturday at the Schlessman Family Branch Library, 100 Poplar St., Denver, for theLincoln Log Throwdown.

It's a tad of a hike east of town, but the competition is at 10 a.m., so bottomless mimosas are still on tap somewhere in Denver for your lush-y face afterward.

First build my Barbies a mansion. The bitches are cold.

The competition -- building a log cabin -- is for adults only. Fastest time wins a cherry pie. You're my cherry pie.

Info:Saturday at 10 a.m.; free;; 720-865-0000